I know nothing about golf. All my golf expertise comes from one late night viewing of Caddyshack and that one episode of Gilmore Girls where Rory goes golfing with her Grandfather.
Unlike other sports where you can blame the goalie or the other team instead of your own complete lack of skill, in golf you are on your own. All you have to point your finger at is the weather and yourself and cmonn that’s not happening. So I have come up with 7 tried and true steps that will make even Tiger Woods (is he still playing?) think you are a Pro Golfer!
- It is all about the outfit!
Remember the statement “dress for the job you want,” the same is true in golf! If you are not wearing a collared exercise shirt and a funny hat are you even golfing? #bringvisorsback
- Get a golf cart
This is mostly just practical and fun!
It can also be used to drive your golf mate to their ball because you rather take the leisurely stroll over to your ball, you know do some light stretching and, accidently kick your ball closer to the green or into a nicer patch of grass.
- The Michael Jackson glove
I know I already talked about clothing but the glove is so much more. Not only is it a cute accessory that shows how “serious” you take golfing, it is also a great distraction. When putting on the glove make sure to embellish all movements so that everyone sees you putting it on. Put on and take off the glove multiple times, and readjust it often.
4. Use the language
Use the proper golf lingo and correct those around you of the proper word or pronunciation ie. birdie, par
To go next level: use sport metaphors or encouragements as much as possible.
5. Talk about which club to use constantly and with authority
“I think I should use my 7 iron on this swing, it will be way better than my 5 wood!”
6. Razzle Dazzle
It is all about making a show, before you ever hit the ball always look like you are lining up the ball with the hole, or look like you are gauging the direction and strength of the wind.
* When on the green, go big or go home! Get on the ground, measure and take long pauses between shots.
- Practice swings
ALWAYS add in practice swings before you hit the ball. This will make it look like you have control over your swing and if you happen to actually miss the ball it just looks like you have taken another practice swing.
- Make it look routine
Though it may be the first time you got air under the ball or even hit it, your golf pro persona gets holes in one all the time so act nonchalant!
Bonus Tip
This tip is only for those who are skilled in deception or in desperate need to impress.
Only hit the ball when your golf partner is not looking
Wait until your golf partner is busy looking for their ball in the forest or having a drink or distracted by your nonstop questions about their entire life story, the history of golf or their top ten shocking Game of Thrones deaths before you hit the ball. Depending on their distraction level you can either hit the ball multiple times and count is as one, kick the ball where you want or carry the ball in your pocket until you get closer to the green and then just casually drop it.
By following these easy steps you will no longer be the tag along friend but instead you will be the Golf Pro of the group!
